To the lovely (and now engaged) @sharonashambles.

Ireland is screwed. From the moment some moron decided to break away from the greatest nation on Earth, through the moment someone thought it’d be a good idea to shoot the chap who negotiated peace with the British, through the moment we realised we had built more apartments and installed more Italian marble kitchen surfaces than people had legs, to the point at which we decided it would be okay to have the very poorest people pay for the collapse of the very richest peoples bank investments, Ireland has been an appalling tragedy of errors.

Though the latest crisis is not of Ireland’s making, it is clear that this society lacks the chutzpah to actually face down the real systemic problem, and so it is time to give up.

Many in recent days have gotten all misty eyed and offered themselves again, as people are wont to do, to Ireland’s cause. To these people I say the time to answer the call has passed.

You should have revolted when the peoples money was handed over to the bankers. You should have kicked back when your nations economic and political sovereignty was sold for the value of 10 year gilt yields.

You should have shut government down, you should have gone to the barricades, you should have withdrawn your consent. You didn’t.

You went to the local and voted Fine Gael.

You gambled there were people worse off than you, and that, yet again, government would be true to past form and screw them worse than theyll screw you. Shrewd move, never fails, until suddenly you find yourself at the bottom of the org chart.

You should have burned effigies of Cowen and Eddie bloody Hobbs. Instead you probably agreed that the teacher who painted Biffo on the loo should be sacked.

In Ayn Rands masterpiece (of thought if not elegant writing) ‘Atlas Shrugged’, when society has gone to pot, the productive people align themselves to simply sod off when they arent appreciated. They stop the machinery making the world turn, they withdraw their consent for a continuously failing system which neither values nor understands them.  The society which they make great turns their backs on them, so they turn their backs too.

The current configuration of this nation profanes the republican ideal; it mocks the principle under which the nation was founded and profoundly embarrasses those in the state who wish for better.  We may remain physically in Ireland, but anyone with any sense will put their heart and mind elsewhere.

Those who wish to stay mentally and corporeally and be the solution, good luck, more fool you. Let us know when the place is sufficiently decontaminated. We’ll pop back for a holiday if we can be arsed.

Ireland today subjected itself to the most palpably insane political process imaginable. Taking part in the UN’s Universal Periodic Review, the Minister for Justice and Equality, Alan Shatter TD, faced questions from Ireland’s peers, the nations of the world, on its human rights record and infrastructure. He gave a bravura performance, explaining, elucidating and sometimes defending Ireland’s principles, constitutional obligations and political culture, to representatives from around the world.

The idea behind the UPR is that each country will, in seeking to describe its human rights record, will be forced to reflect on it, and, wanting to make a good impression on the rest of the world, it will put its best foot forward.

And so, Alan Shatter began answering questions, answering the substantive questions posed by each country, announcing proposed changes and principles underpinning Ireland’s systems. Certainly, there was much to be desired, a result of the hack and slash on human rights and equality mechanisms undertaken by the previous administration. Ireland admitted weaknesses, but pointed out the successes, the progress and the opportunities for change in the future.

What was insane about the process was the direction of the questioning. Ireland has been guilty of some pretty awful human rights abuses – but only in relative terms – and today it was being questioned by countries whose records have been significantly worse. Watching on free and live video link from the chamber, we watched Minister Shatter take questions.

Iran asked about Ireland’s commitments to political and civil rights. Alan Shatter thought this was interesting, pointing out that freedom of assembly, freedom to oppose the government, freedom to criticise the government and head of state are all enshrined in the political traditions of the country. Love fifteen.

Algeria, a nation which suspended recognition of human rights nineteen years ago, wanted to know about Ireland’s record on protecting liberties. Mouthfuls of tea were sprayed over keyboards and computer screens across the country. Love thirty.

Ghana, whose Minister for the Western Region recently called for the arrest of all gay men and lesbians, was keen to probe Mr Shatter on the finer points of the country’s prohibition on religious discrimination. It was all Mr Shatter could do, one suspects, to sit there without a smile on his face. Love forty.

Countries who refuse to outlaw stoning of adultresses and the blinding of criminals were concerned to ensure that Ireland keeps to its own obligations on human dignity. Game Shatter.

Yet, for all the stomach churning irony in the room, the UPR performed its service to mankind – Ireland will surely now redouble its efforts to ensure that, for future rounds of the review, every effort is made to rise above the standards set by the nations gathered in judgment around the room. Some elements of Ireland’s provisions are dodgy – the non-recognition of Travellers as an ethnic minority, for instance, is inexcusable and will soon, by all accounts, be rectified.

Ireland has been bowed by the economic turmoil and its own cupidity and hubris – but surely it won’t tolerate a second round knowing that, at home and abroad, somebody somewhere thinks Iran has a point on Ireland’s human rights record. The process may be deranged, but the outcome will benefit us all, and throw a spotlight on the hypocrisy of others.

The Republic of Ireland was in panic this morning in its search for someone singularly unsuited to lead the country in uncertain times.  Bucking the trend for exceptionally talented, unifying female presidents, the mood in Ireland today favours a switch to a disastrous presidential election and the elevation of a complete charlatan with skills entirely incidental to the qualities required in a President.
Following on from the decision of a well known talk show presenter Gay Byrne not to contest the election to the nation’s Presidency, commentators in Dublin expressed concern that a really spectacularly unsuited person might not be found in time for the close of nominations.

Irish affairs correspondent Hugo Rudd explains:

“Ireland was all set for a fairly straight contest between leading party Fine Gael’s boringly competent Gay Mitchell, former Labour Party Minister and icon of the western left Michael D Higgins and the independent but liberal-leaning gay rights icon and Joyce scholar Senator David Norris.  Unfortunately, the prospects for David Norris were destroyed when it was discovered he had pled for clemency in the case of his former partner’s sentence in an Israeli stautory rape case.  At that point, the election moved into a new phase.”

Indications that former Eurovision Song Contest winner and former firebrand Catholic right-wing fundamentalist Dana Rosemary Scallon was interested in the job for the second time (having contested previously) were met with grudging credulity until Ireland set its hopes on popular but divisive talk show host Gay Byrne to give the country a fighting chance at a basically unsuitable President.  Despite leading the polls for a weekend, Mr Byrne declined to seek the nomination.

The race to find somebody-anybody- to ensure the only candidate with an experience of government and diplomacy does not get the job of approving or refering legislation to the Supreme Court, representing the nation overseas and unifying the country in a time of economic turmoil, is ongoing.

Finally, many in Ireland are calling for Micheál Ó Muircheartaigh, a sports commentator with close associations to the Gaelic Athletic Association to lead them.  It is felt that, in international diplomacy, the ability to accurately and emotionally describe the actions of thirty men in a field could be invaluable.

Everybody seems to be wondering why the UK response to rioting has been so slow.  There are also plenty of people asking why Boris doesn’t do something.

The answer is pretty simple; the civil disturbance is now so serious that the only reasonable response to it is an invocation of the Civil Contingencies Act 2004 – an act which can only be invoked by an Order in Council or by a senior Minister of the Crown.  The Mayor of London has absolutely no role in this legislation, cannot invoke it, and cannot intervene in the operational business of the Metropolitan Police.

Provisions pursuant the Act can only be invoked where the Minister is satisfied that other laws are incapable of handling the situation, that the situation is urgent and that there is a risk of continued serious damage.  As the Cabinet Office puts it:

• an emergency that threatens serious damage to human welfare, the environment or security has occurred, is occurring or is about to occur;
• it is necessary to make provision urgently in order to resolve the emergency as existing powers are insufficient and it is not possible to bring forward a Bill in the usual way because of the need to act urgently; and
• emergency regulations must be proportionate to the aspect or effect of the emergency they are directed at.

Finally, the regulations must be approved by Parliament within seven days of their laying.  So no more holidays for anyone.

The previously discarded coffee he drank through his disgustingly unkempt moustache on the filthy mattress under the railway bridge was not Lavazza, but some inferior brand which, in between his tormented visions of vomiting clowns, he fancied could do with a spoonful of splenda and possibly a shot of his beloved Tia Maria.

Dear Ben,

I hope this finds you well. It’s been a busy time since I last wrote to you. You may have noticed three vague, vacuous articles that kept news out of the the Irish Times last week. The first article, for what it was worth, focused on a very prominent theme at the citizens’ events held in Kilkenny, Cork, Galway, Blanchardstown, Tallaght, Letterkenny and Athlone – boredom. Time and again, at ‘We the Citizens’ events around Ireland, people were concerned that schools don’t produce rounded, compliant catholic zombies ; that most school-leavers are not competent citizens to the extent of having basic knowledge of how We The Citizens should have complete control of the political system, or of having the basic understanding that their actions, particularly actions with which we disagree, affect others in society. You can, if you are in your manic phase, read the article in its entirety here.

The second article addressed what approach Ireland should take when tackling our deficit – spending cuts or tax hikes. While Ireland certainly has tough choices to make, the ‘do what We the Citizens Say’ model is one way for politicians to consult a small cabal of self-declared elites to ensure a shared ownership of the decision-making process. You can find the full, no-holds barred article here.

The third and thankfully final article focused on political reform. A central theme at the citizens’ events across the country was ‘We the Citizens’ empowerment. Irish citizens want the reinstatement of freedom of information legislation with teeth and the right to petition the Dáil to have legislation brought forward, because clearly having fucking elections every five years to elect them isn’t enough.  It’s vitally important that organisations like ours can assert legitimacy and over-ride the political process. Please find the full article here.

The citizens who participated in the citizens’ assembly casted their redundant, irrelevant ballots on the Sunday session of the Assembly which was pop-economics focused. These results have just been collated and you can find the recommendations we agreed with on our appalling website.

The ‘We the Citizens’ team are working hard to complete the survey work and compile the results of the ‘We the Citizens’ initiative. We plan to present our final report to the political parties and the public in the Autumn. We’ll be sure to alert you to its publication, so you can throw a fucking street party or something.

Thanks for your interest in We the Citizens and don’t hesitate to contact the team on info@wethecitizens.ie with any queries or comments you have.

Best wishes and thanks,

Fiach Mac Conghail

Chairperson
We the Citizens

To read this entry, please ensure that:

• you appreciate literally hundreds of mixed metaphors
• you know who made your shoes
• you aren’t currently interested in giving me a job
  

  George Osborne, yesterday

In 2009, during what was a worldwide recession (Gordon was right about that), the UK had six successive quarters of contraction.  The economy slowed so badly that there were fears of a ‘double-dip’ recession, where a second round of contraction would occur as an aftershock to the first.

This was introduced forcibly as a possibility by the Labour Party, who argued that the cuts the Conservatives sought to make if elected into government would lead to under-stimulation in the whole economy and a wholesale reduction in growth across multiple sectors.  As a political gamble it was excellent – but it would require big cuts to bring about.

The reality is that the big cuts the Labour party argues George Osborne is making simply are not occurring.  And even if they did, they would have to be fucking enormous to bring about, on their own, the sorts of fluctuations the UK economy is seeing at the moment.  There must be some other explanation to what is happening in the economy.  And there is.  It’s called the market, and it made your shoes.

First and foremost, what Conservatives argued in 2009 and 2010 was not that the recession was not a global phenomenon (although we did have good fun making fun or ‘it started in America’) – but that the approach to handling its impact on the UK by Gordon Brown was fundamentally flawed, and that approach began with bad decisions during the boom.

Gordon Brown did not abolish boom and bust – nobody ever could, especially in the most globalised economy on Earth.  What he essentially did was preside over the installation of a systematic overspend throughout government.  With credit and liquidity abounding in the boom years of the late 1990s and early-mid 2000s, he did what comes naturally to the Labour party- as the coffers filled with taxpayers’ money, he redistributed the wealth, developed infrastructure, and enhanced the power and capacity of the state.  In what will be remembered in Economics Textbooks as the ‘Brown Bottom’, Gordon Brown sold 395 tons of UK reserve gold at its lowest value in 20 years, after having given notice of his intention to do so (further reducing the price by 10%), at $275 per ounce.  The sale yielded $3.5bn.  The same gold today has a value of $1610 per ounce, or roughly $20bn.

Despite the fact they now couldn’t gold-plate everything, most people were very contented with their newly invigorated state services.  And if Gordon Brown had ever been capable of abolishing boom and bust, that would have been essentially fine – if the world had suddenly become stable, that level of spending would have become sustainable.  The world economy, however, is never stable.  It is a dynamic, flowing system, understood only by Sam Bowman at the Adam Smith Institute.  And he isn’t telling anyone how it works.

Then along came the recession, partially based on a property bubble, partially based on a collapse in trust in the big powerhouse financial players, including the banks. It would be harsh on the thousands affected to describe it as a necessary adjustment, but in economic terms, that’s exactly what it was.  Through devices and errors, the values of big businesses, particularly the banks, were massively overstated.  The market can only tolerate so much bullshit and as a result the facade of stability and growth began to collapse.  When it did, the speed of the collapse took everybody by surprise.

The UK response to that, fatally, was to spend even more.  Using the flawed language of pop economics, hot liquidity was forced into the cooling economy to warm it up.  More money was printed.  More money was borrowed, and more money was spent, all during a time when it was entirely unclear on what time scales it would be possible to pay down the debt, and how abyssal the recession would turn out to be. Brown and Balls called for more spending.  Brown was challenged repeatedly by people who wanted to spend more.  Across the floor of the House of Commons, Conservatives argued for a slow-down in state spending, but did it sheepishly, knowing that calls for cuts in a recession are as welcome as a cup of cold sick.

What Brown’s fiscal and monetary stimulus did was to fill in the cracks in the economy with hundred-pound notes.  And with the UK economy appearing to be essentially stable, he briefly prevented the market from carrying out its adjustment function.  With credit and liquidity pumped into the system, people kept up their spending, piling on the debt, behaving like little was going on around them. Brown’s bubble of artificial liquidity was making the inevitable collapse inevitably worse.

When an economy’s income falls, the sensible thing to do is reduce the economy’s outgoings. Chunks of infrastructure the government doesn’t strategically need should be sold off.  Austerity measures should be spread proportionately across the economy.  This reduces the need for borrowing, which may still be necessary, if spending has risen to unsustainable levels during the boom.

That, however, is the perfect economy in its simplest form.  Economies are anything but simple – they’re the product of trillions of individual decisions which sometimes in aggregate form patterns.  The UK economy in the boom years was characterised by government spending, some of it sustainable, some of it not.  In the recession and recovery years, the UK economy must be characterised by a conscious effort to halt the growth in state spending as a proportion of the GDP – in other words, the approach of the government must be to promote real growth.

The idea of a Plan B – to do again what Brown and Balls tried in 2009, printing money and spending more, is utterly redundant, partially because we know it has never worked in any real economy, and partially because the rest of the world is in incredible flux – the US is pondering the possibility of its first ever default, the Greek Government has been allowed to essentially default already, and we’re all supposed to pretend the Italian economy actually exists.  We are so connected to these economies, as the most globalised economy on Earth, that any level of unnecessary activity George Osborne undertakes will be eventually dwarfed by the tremors of market functions.

Growth has returned to the UK under a Conservative led government.  The current approach to pay down the deficit (too slowly) and reduce unsustainable government spending over the medium term is the best method to ensure that it stays far into the future.

The Serjeant at Arms has banned all pies from Westminster’s precincts with immediate effect, in an effort to avoid a repeat of yesterday’s attempted attack on mild mannered media tycoon Rupert Murdoch.  The move has sent shockwaves through the subsidised restaurants at the mother of parliaments, particularly in the Portcullis House cafe, where a much anticipated  Boeuf en Croute has been summarily struck from the menu, prompting calls to recall parliament and debate whether Boeuf en Croute is a pie.

Ms Jill Pay, working with the Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod, has issued a writ whereby even pies given as gifts to Eric Pickles MP will be prevented from entering the House of Commons, House of Lords, Speaker’s Apartment, Portcullis House and Westminster Hall.   In keeping with precedents already set by Ms Pay, it is understood that anything the Metropolitan Police wants to do will simply be waved through, whether they have the authority to do it or not.

In a related development, Metropolitan Police Commander Cressida Dick has given strict instructions to shoot anyone ‘likely to have come into contact with someone who looks like they may have once worked with pastry’.  In a characteristic fashion, however, anyone with a paper plate and shaving foam in a plastic bag will not be treated as suspicious at all.

The Pope, yesterday

Pope Benedict XVI has decided to close the Irish Catholic Church, amid a gathering storm of corruption, lawlessness and blatant disregard for the law.   In a statement issued by the Vatican, it was announced that Sunday will host the last services, and that all priests, bishops and archbishops will be made redundant.

Speaking after the announcement, Chief Executive of the Papal Estate in Ireland Mhuire Gánsmál said:

“After recent revelations, it has become clear that the Irish Catholic Church cannot continue to operate.  The unfair allegations against the church, along with the recent revelations of wrong-doing, mean that people have lost faith in the fairness of this organisation.

It is our hope that the priests, bishops and archbishops of this, one of the greatest sui iuris apostolic vicariates in the world, will find jobs either within the vast organisation, or with other judaeo-christian sects.  They are a fine body of men, and we within the Roman Curia wish them well.”

Bishops and Priests were engaged today in the work of Christ to ensure that Sunday’s final Mass is the greatest ever.  Congregations are being promised a small glass each of real wine for the Eucharist, complementary hymnals will be distributed and collections will, just this once, not be used to cover up the most horrific and scandalous sexual and physical child abuse or re-home the perpetrators.

In addition, in keeping with the traditions of such things, hilarious custom-produced versions of the gospels will be given to newly redundant clergy, replacing the names of apostles with theirs, and novelty stations of the cross featuring Archbishops carrying the cross will be distributed.

No decisions have yet been taken on the other apostolic vicariates implicated in recent disclosures, although it is rumoured that attempts by the Roman Curia, led by religion mogul Benedict XVI to take control of the Church of England and other branches of Episcopalianism have been put on hold.

Dear Ben, I hope this finds you well. Ten glorious, assembly free days have passed since the National Citizens’ Assembly gathered and I am writing to give you a short, but not nearly short enough, update on the tedious minutiae of developments since then.

If you’re like our members, Monday is a pretty dull night.  You may have found yourself somnambulating aimlessly into the Prime Time Special on Monday night on what we jokingly called the National Citizens’ Assembly and on We the Citizens. Many of the citizens who attended the Assembly came along to force their perspectives on the exercise. Prof. Farrell and I were also on the panel alongside Fionnan Sheahan, the absolutely not-married to a Fianna Fáil Senator political correspondent of the Irish Independent  and Eamon Delaney – who claims to be a journalist. You can watch the unedifying spectacle here.

We are delighted to say that more painstakingly detailed and utterly redundant recommendations from the Citizens’ Assembly have been slavishly compiled by our academic elite policy recommendation ninja team (AEPRNT). The Members of the Citizens’ Assembly (MCAs) called for more experts in cabinet (EiC) and vetting of all appointments (VoA). The MCAs want regular state of the nation reports (SoTNR), although none of them has ever read one from another country that has them, and therefore none of them understand the constitutional principle inherent in the Leaders’ Questions concept. Furthermore, MCAs, entirely without prompting or pre-selection favour keeping the existing electoral system (EVS), do not want electronic voting (EV), and want steps to improve turnout (weekend voting) (STIVWV). There is some, though not overwhelming (STNO), support for motherhood and apple pie, and most members agree that, in general, being rude to one’s parents is a bad thing and regular showering is desirable.  They want steps to widen the pool of electoral candidates (PEC), and to criminalise arson, murder and rape. You can depress yourself by reading the results in more detail here.

The MCAs are currently voting on the Sunday session of the Citizens’ Assembly  (CA SS) which focused on economic issues (EI). We will share these results with you as soon as the votes are completed by the MCAs.

Once we have collated all the data from the Assembly, then tweaked it about a bit to ensure it meets the needs of the political and sociological viewpoints we already possess. We will be taking these and the outcomes from the citizens’ events across Ireland to the political parties and the government in particular. We will be able to posit without any particular basis the value of having citizen input into policy making. In the past, this was called electing a Parliament, but our MCAs are so keen to become well known and popular, and so unwilling to put themselves up against the popular vote, they have decided to determine that they, not the nationally elected Parliament, have better ideas.

Thank you for your interest in the We the Citizens’ initiative. Please don’t hesitate to contact the team on info@wethecitizens.ie with any queries or comments you have.

Best wishes and thanks,