Olivia Newton-John the sexual predator

feminism,The Culture 18 January 2015 1 lonely comment

I have been thinking carefully about an important matter – the sexist and basically confusing message of Olivia Newton John’s 1981 hit ‘Physical’.

At the start of the song, she outlines classic elements of ‘studied charisma’ which has of late been identified as predatory when practised by men.  ‘I’m saying all the things that I know you’ll like, makin’ good conversation’.  This is clearly an indication that her conversation with the subject of the song has been a subterfuge, a confection geared towards seduction.  The lyrics confirm her devices and her intent.  She has taken the subject of her attentions first to an ‘intimate restaurant’, and then to a ‘suggestive movie’ – implying she has already seen the movie or has relied on reviews of its content to ensure the content is sexually suggestive and therefore more certainly geared to bedding her quarry.


The evidence shows that this predator has no interest in conversation at all and she says so – ‘There’s nothing left to talk about, ‘less it’s horizontally’.

She clearly sees her date as a sure thing – not human, a mere plate of meat for her sexual delectation. She is out of control.

The video for the song compounds the distress of your correspondent.  Ms Newton John has descended upon a gymnasium, probably in the knowledge that it is habituated only by men, and she begins to molest and assault the men endeavoring to go about their business.  She lurks inside a resistance training device, taunting a man who has heretofore, as far as we are aware, not done anything to harm or upset her, causing him to be ejected through the double doors of the gym.

This is not her only molestation of the hapless males in the gym; next she prowls behind a man meekly working out on a treadmill, eventually rubbing up against him and mounting him in a way which plainly leaves the poor man in distress.

Next she attacks a man on an Exercycle machine – he is comfortably exerting himself at a level 10 intensity on the machine – without so much as a by-your-leave she turns the machine up to level 60, throwing the man into paroxysms and possibly risking injury to him.

By this stage, it is clear Ms Newton-John is in a state of some distress herself – she pounces upon a man resting on a massage table, grabbing him by the legs and slamming him about on the table.  She then hoists his t-shirt and applies oil to him, then approaches a state of near frenzy, striking his back repeatedly and eventually climbing on top of him to ride him like a horse.  He looks plainly distressed throughout.

When she returns from her shower with a weapon, she, entirely unbidden, touches and cossets a group of men in the midst of their form analyses – the anger and confusion on the faces of the gymnasts is plain to see – especially when she pushes over the athlete with the curly ginger hair and frightening moustache.

Towards the end of the video, it has become clear that she has been barking up the wrong tree – four of the men in the gym form two couples and leave hand in hand, presumably to find safety from the advances of the frankly terrifying Ms Newton-John.  Eventually, she joins hands with one of the men she had earlier abused, proving nothing so much as that some people fall for these sorts of tricks every time.

I am disgusted by the content and malevolent intent of Olivia Neutron Bomb in this song and video.  I am now off to work out what the fuck is going on in the video to Laura Branigan’s ‘Self Control’.


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Towards a new understanding of commonsense Stroopwafel safety

unstupidity 12 January 2015 Tell me what you think


The original incident which killed Louis Slotin in 1946 occurred when he attempted to use a hemisphere of plutonium to lift an over-microwaved Stroopwafel. The same fissile core had already killed Harry Daghlian Jr in 1945 when he had attempted to balance a fig roll on his knee and caused a prompt criticality, spilling tea everywhere.

The correct way to prepare a Stroopwafel is of course to place it on top of a steaming hot cup of coffee, allowing the heat and vapour to soften the syrup and the pastry. When you don’t want a cup of coffee but want some of that cinnamon syrup goodness, you can use a microwave.

10 seconds is not enough to force the syrup into activity sufficient to warm the Stroopwafel.

11 seconds in a 900W microwave results in toe-curling sweet delicious perfection, with sticky, chewy caramel between delicately spiced pastry.

11.5 seconds will slightly overheat the Stroopwafel and begin the process of delamination – one side slips over the syrup, which has now become a lubricant rather than an adhesive. It is difficult to pick up and must be allowed to cool for around 30 seconds.

11.51 seconds results in what can only be described as a criticality excursion – a runaway heat reaction of such intensity that it cannot be contained by a mere microwave. It must be allowed to cool down – the half life of Stroopwafel caramel whilst undergoing what must be fission is something like four minutes, during which time to bring anything capable of reflecting neutrons back into the pile of sugar, cinnamon and gluten could result in a further prompt criticality, which could wipe out a city block.

Louis fucking Slotin could not intervene in time to stop the Stroopwafel from a prompt criticality. My quick thinking may have saved my apartment, but my syrup-burned fingers may never recover.

12/01/2015.  Nevar forget.

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Labour Leadership 9 January 2015 Tell me what you think

Breastfeeding mothers tell Farage: if you’re going to be a dickhead, do it in the corner.

politics,Racism 5 December 2014 5 incisive, intellectually engaged comments

Breastfeeding mothers have said it is ok for Nigel Farage to be a total arse in public, as long as he does not do so in an “ostentatious” manner.

Earlier this week a man described his humiliation after he was asked to stop running his stupid politically illiterate, xenophobic mouth while making up policy at Claridge’s in London. The hotel faced a backlash for its treatment of the party , and then Nigel Farage jumped on the bandwagon.

Speaking on LBC radio this morning, Tracy Withenshaw, a woman with a one-month old baby called Jack, suggested Farage should “sit in the corner” of a room to bang on about Europe and be a racist gobshite, rather than out in the open.

“Given that some people feel very embarrassed by UKIP, it isn’t difficult to spout half-baked bullshit and economically illiterate bollocks in a way that’s not openly ostentatious,” she said. “Or perhaps sit in the corner, or whatever it might be – that’s up to Claridge’s.”

David Cameron’s official spokesperson said the prime minister nodded and smiled and that it was “totally unacceptable for any member of the UKIP to be made to feel comfortable talking shit in public.”

Labour’s shadow home secretary, Yvette Cooper, said that after his LBC interview, “Ed Miliband”.

On Tuesday Patrick O’Flynn, UKIP’s economics spokesperson tweeted pictures of himself coming up with his fifteenth proposal for spending foreign aid money with a large napkin draped over himself while having a Christmas tea treat at the hotel.

“I started writing something about spending it on kidney dialysis machines very discreetly when the waiter hurried over with a huge napkin, knelt down and said it was policy to cover up nonsense policy,” he told the Guardian. “My initial reaction was to burst into tears. This was my fifteenth contradictory policy of the day. I had trouble convincingly drafting the first fourteen but this was going well. I didn’t expect to be admonished in a central London hotel.”

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Opposition, now.

Northern Ireland 3 December 2014 1 lonely comment

Not a number…

Sinn Féin and the DUP may not agree on much, but one thing they do agree on is the exercise and maintenance of political power.

Theirs is a murky, unpleasant world, an agreed apartheid where each is content to wield influence and control over their own ghettoised fiefdoms, and where any opposition is deemed at least unmutual and at worst an affront to peace loving people.

Those who try to speak truth to power are sidelined or ignored – or far worse.  Those who try to question the prevailing wisdom of the fractured, divided body politic are condemned to administer the governance of the people according to the rules laid out for  them by Martin McGuinness and Peter Robinson – Number Two and Number Three.  Or so they would have you believe.

That the UUP and SDLP could form an opposition in Northern Ireland is established fact.  Though it would take some  re-engineering of the principles of the system of administration, it is clear that Mike Nesbitt and Alasdair McDonnell could withdraw Danny Kennedy and Mark Durkan from the executive and take up substantial opposition positions in the Assembly – altogether creating an opposition of 33 members in the bloated 108 member chamber. For sure, the opposition would face challenges and would be deeply divided itself – but that would in itself create tremendous political power and authority for the assembly.

The primary losers in such a changeover would be the DUP – whilst members of that party have fully drunk the Flavor-Aid, a few of their own seats could be in some jeopardy if it became clear that a Unionist voice unsullied by adminstration of justice arm in arm with Sinn Féin. I don’t seek to argue that DUP voters are likely to be interested in a wholesale return to the Official Unionists – simply that unionism without a seat in the executive is not the forbidding place it might seem to be.  To borrow a phrase from the DUP’s own vernacular in advance of the Belfast Agreement referendum – many more unionists might look at the political impasse and conclude that it might be right to say no.

The alternative – the status quo, means an increasingly irrelevant SDLP and UUP, with all the trappings that irrelevance brings to electoral results.

‘Be seeing you.

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Equality as a Trojan Horse.

Northern Ireland 25 November 2014 1 lonely comment

CC Christof Bobzin

Gerry Adams’ bad luck catches up with him all at once, it seems. The towering intellectual collossus of militant republicanism (as we once thought of him) is undone by the sunlight that constitutional politics and an active, inquisitive press throws onto the man and his leadership – and in a sense, by the cherry-picking of quotes not entirely in context.

Allegations of gentle treatment of his brother (perhaps too much of a euphemism there), his shockingly inept performance giving evidence about the same thing and the dreadful handling of Mairia Cahill’s allegations of sexual assault at the hands of the IRA both speak to a leader incapacitated. He takes blow after blow of unguarded, self-inflicted injury, and draws the day of his removal as Sinn Féin president nearer.

His misfiring handling of his party’s position on Irish Water doesn’t bode well for the political future of his party – and his most recent intervention – telling a friendly audience that equality is the ‘trojan horse’ of the entire republican struggle, and the only way to ‘break the bastards’ – is a singularly wrong-headed and spectacularly unpleasant thing to emerge at this point.

The silence you hear is occasioned by gloves being taken off – the Curry My Yoghurt narrative – that the DUP will never allow for an Irish Language Act, has plunged relationships which were never particularly warm into a deep freeze. The latest Adamsian admission is likely to fill the freezer with liquid nitrogen – because it’s difficult to square the ‘trojan horse to break the bastards’ line with the ‘Ireland of equals’ one.

What Adams actually said in the discussion – as reported by that exceptional paper the Impartial Reporter, wasn’t actually all that bad – but someone having good luck wouldn’t have had the bad bit reported as widely.

Peter Robinson’s political squidginess, the reaching out, has given way to Gregory Campbell’s approach – get all up in their grill and see what they do. Nobody is quite sure where this takes us, if anywhere. The long, cold winter has begun in Northern Ireland. Whether it becomes a cold war remains to be seen.

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Nominative determinism in Rochester and Strood

Labour Leadership,politics 19 November 2014 3 incisive, intellectually engaged comments

A kitten in a pint glass.

A pint of kitten because I can’t stand Farage’s awful face on my blog and nobody wants to see Mark f**king Reckless.

Tomorrow, people in Rochester and Strood have an opportunity to free their former MP from membership of the reality-based community and make him the second, wobbly and flat-tyred parliamentary wheel of the bicycle of racists, misogynists, homophobes and anti-intellectual weirdos that is the United Kingdom Independence Party.

That Mark Reckless, the spectacularly ineffective former member of the Conservative Party and famous pre-vote drinker will be elected UKIP MP for Rochester and Strood is as much as a foregone conclusion as a Jammie Dodger eating contest between Eric Pickles and Maria Eagle.  That Labour will have to pretend that it marks a worse day for the Conservatives than Labour is also assumed.  The spin helicopter has already lifted off.  But this by-election means precisely nothing.

This by-election is the political equivalent of eating Celery for lunch – 100% guilt free.  It’s an election with no consequences.  People can use it to throw a punch at Labour and Conservatives – and to cock a snook at the Lib Dems, knowing that Reckless will be as deeply useless to them after the election as before, and that the country will continue to be governed by a Tory-led coalition, just like they opted for at the last General Election. The people of Rochester and Strood are quite right to use the leverage they unexpectedly have, to make the un-promotable Reckless some sort of national spokesperson.  That’ll be fun.

UKIP is an awful shower of shouty, showy buffons- the basement dwelling national weak, who feel the need to be ruled as if by a Fuehrer whilst pretending Uncle Nigel is really setting them free – people scared by their own shadows, who see the spectre of foreignness everywhere they go.  This is the crew of people who crave a full Sunday Roast while in Benidorm – who complain that the tea just isn’t the same away from home, and who can’t really bring themselves to like Dale Winton – all in the one conversation.  Theirs is a grubby party, a cowering party, a party in need of Uncle Nigel and his ABSOLUTELY BRITISH SURNAME to tell them that everything will be all better with a pint glass glued to our hand and a working knowledge of the second verse of the National Anthem.

If you are a UKIP voter, then, with the sincerest pity I greet you. You’re crazy, but you’ll get better. It might just be a 24 hour thing.


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Can Ed hold on?

Labour Leadership 7 November 2014 Tell me what you think

Anyone asking ‘can Ed hold on’ hasn’t been studying the form of the Labour front bench.  Of all the people who could take over in the event of a departure of the Dear Leader, those best qualified would also be the most man-marked politicians in the country. It’ll hurt very badly if they switch any time later than one month from now. Commentators also need to consider how Ed could leave – he’s consistently ahead in the polls even with awful personal numbers – the hoi polloi would, in the aftermath of a defenestration, wonder why Labour had felt he was worth keeping as a leader of the opposition but not as a leader of the country.  Labour would have a problem explaining that one.

John McTiernan pointed out on the BBC News Channel that, realistically, there are four months of political wriggle room between now and the general election. That’s wriggle room, not construction.  Any new leader would have to make bold positions the order of the day for weeks on end – potentially upsetting the apple cart of Labour loyalists (and Trade Unionists) who feel they today have a good platform for after a successful election.  Alternatively, changing leadership but leaving the policies as they stand would be worthless.

So, on balance, Labour is in a problem of its own making.  They  knew Ed wasn’t working.  They knew he wasn’t swinging the pendulum fast enough, and as a result, the chance of a majority government was slipping away with every passing week.  They should have knifed him immediately after Conference – forgetting the deficit was a pretty painfully poor show.  Now, however, they simply don’t have time to create a new leader, a new narrative, a new set of political asks.

The mistake Labour made was allowing a Presidential leadership to emerge, because traumas lead to bad presidential decisions.  Ed Miliband is simply not personally powerful enough to create a presidential presence – he is thoughtful when he needs to be direct.  Everything which would seem like a manly victory for Cameron fails for Miliband.  Does a speech without a teleprompter?  Forgets the basic economic challenge facing the country.

The narrative is now that Ed Miliband is a failure – and people, armed with a thick pencil in a polling booth, don’t like to vote for the person led by a failure.  In a presidency, the person in the electoral college doesn’t matter – so the candidate doesn’t matter. Labour dun goofed – and Conservatives must now pull themselves together to be more competent, united, on top of their briefs and efficient enough to give those same pencil wielding agents of change a reason to put an X in the box beside the tories.

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Some thoughts on curried yoghurt

Uncategorized 5 November 2014 Tell me what you think

Gregory Campbell, MP and MLA for Londonderry East, enjoys courting controversy on dog-whistle issues in Northern Ireland. He’s good at it – he’s got a lot of wit and can be genuinely funny, but there is a bite and a bitterness to his politics which could only ever have come from the complexity and tragedies of the troubles as they played out in his constituency.

Most recently, his performance at Stormont’s troubled assembly has raised hackles, when he used what might be called doggerel phonetic Irish to recognise (more accurately denigrate) the speaker, and the Minister for Culture, Cáral ní Chuilin, whose Question Time it was.

He rose to his feet and appeared to go briefly mad.

What he actually said appeared to sound like ‘Curry my yoghurt, a can coca coalyer’ – a ‘version’ of ‘Go raibh maith agat, a ceann chomhairle’ (essentially ‘Thank you, Mr Speaker’ in English), which should really sound more like ‘Guh ra mah-agat, a kyawn core-lyah’. Sinn Féin benches were aghast, in uproar. Mr Campbell looked very pleased with himself. His colleage Peter Weir MLA (North Down) seems to have almost wet himself. Campbell went on to ask what, on the face of it, was a perfectly logical question, wondering if an inclusive minority languages strategy might be more inclusive than an Irish language and Ulster Scots strategy.

Reaction to Mr Campbell’s intervention was swift. The minister refused to answer his question, and accused him of ‘pure ignorance’.

What Mr Campbell really seems to have been saying was ‘I think speaking a foreign language in our assembly is nonsense and political, and I am making fun of people who do it.’

Whether or not you consider Irish to be a foreign language in Northern Ireland, Mr Campbell’s political reasoning works for him and his party. He believes that Sinn Féin use the Irish language as a dog-whistle signifier of Irishness – that people speaking it in the chamber are doing so to Irish-up the place. In doing what he does, Mr Campbell achieves what seems to be a central approach of the DUP – pissing off non-unionists and being seen by unionists to piss off non-unionists. On this score, it has absolutely worked – an absolute direct hit has been scored, angering Sinn Féin, SDLP and others.

(If you want to see evidence of this, check out the politics.ie thread or the video below:

(Look at his face.  Loving it.)

I suspect, however, that this direct hit may open up other political logics which had been heretofore only dreams for the DUP. I suspect Mr Campbell has punctured the language-issue consensus, which has held together with extremely slow progress for sixteen years until this week.

The language-issue détente argument goes something like this: in the lead up to the Belfast Agreement, the Irish language was en-route to be recognised in Northern Ireland, but only if the Ulster-Scots language was recognised and resourced alongside it. This was a feel-good measure, on the basis of ‘parity of esteem’ and written into the actual Belfast Agreement as “the importance of respect, understanding and tolerance in relation to linguistic diversity”.

The DUP did not sign the Agreement, but nonetheless, the basis of Northern Ireland’s political and governmental system is based on it. There is an argument to be made that the DUP isn’t bound politically to abide by the terms of the document, but that government is – in that sense, an MLA speaking at Stormont is under no obligation to pay even lip service to the agreement.

People getting upset at Gregory Campbell therefore need to calm down – this is his ‘they haven’t gone away, you know’ moment – something being said which solidifies his base and angers the other side. It’s boorish, ostensibly unsophisticated and infuriating, but it’s genuinely brilliant politics; also, it says something about Northern Ireland’s current settlement; there isn’t a united people there; the desire to beggar the neighbour is alive and well there.

Sinn Féin’s full response was as prickly as it was unimaginative – Rosie McCorley MLA, Sinn Féin Irish language spokesperson, said: “Unfortunately this is nothing new from the DUP who have blocked the development on an Irish language act, and whose representatives have a long history of insults to the Irish-speaking community.

“While this might be funny in Gregory’s little closed world, it is hugely insulting to all of those who promote the huge benefits of endorsing and enhancing bilingualism in our society.”

The DUP line is now fairly clear – they can continue to score with skirmishes like this and shut down the possibility of an Irish Language Act, because they can fairly convincingly argue that a Minority Languages Act is the more inclusive solution.  It’s not nice, but it’ll work.

Full disclosure: tá cúpla focal gaeilge agam, ach níl mé eireannach. Is ás Tuaisceart Éireann mé, agus tá mé Saoránach na Breataine bródúil. Ní raibh mé riamh a vótáladh i gcóir an DUP.

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Ed Miliband’s Conference Speech

politics 23 September 2014 Tell me what you think


I am so delighted to be here with you in Manchester, the constantly shifting capital of our changing Britain. I want to discuss an important issue today – change. Change for the better. Change for prosperity. Change for our country’s well off, change for our country’s national health service and change of the very nature of change itself.

Our economy must adapt to a new reality if we are to change the fortunes of our nation’s urban poor. Friends, we must turn around our national discourse, amending the very transitions through which change is achieved. We will improve our country through a modification of the very engine of evolution. We must convert the society we have now to an improved one, where change is harnessed to power future change.

Here in the North of England, as we, as friends, watch the seasons switch from summer to autumn, we bind ourselves together to revise our social contract and modify the terms we use to describe the changes we seek.

In so doing, we will recast our relationhip with a changing world; we must reform our relationship with the state – refashioning the country destroyed by people who fear change into a restyled, revamped nation full of people not afraid of progress. We must rework our schools and remould our universities. The national health service must be reorganised in order to reorder the relationship between healthcare professionals and patients. Quite frankly, friends, we must redo the reforms of the past to reconstruct the nation foreseen by Bevan and Wilson. As the planet turns, our world is constantly changing, and we must reorient our priorities, transfiguring our nation into a place where a real, profound metamorphosis can occur.

I set out today to change change – to transmute the lethargy of this government into one positively seething with desire for adjustment; Friends, I speak of bringing fresh blood and a tidal shift to our willingness to adapt the very adaptivity of adaption itself.

We need big adjustments. Seismic shifts. Enormous changes.

And when I am done in ten years time, friends, there will be fuck all but small change in your pocket.

Photo Attrib: Christian Guthier.  Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

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