Details of Alastair Campbell’s* budget have been made available to Nabidana hours before the commencement of the Chancellor’s speech.

Amongst the most controversial details of the budget will be announced:

Welfare plan for social democrats of no discernable ability or erudition facing unemployment in a recession in 2010

£16m bailout for political parties, delivered in £15m chunks by D’Hondt principles, based on the results of the 2005 general election.

£100,000 levy on political websites apparently run by people with apparently foreign names.

£5,000 charge on website banner advertising for luxury food items

Copyright levy on images of trees and fauna of the British Countryside, based on number of uses of the image.

A polluters levy of £11,000 per offence on placards or posters containing the colours green or blue.

Taxes on the earnings of wealthy benefactors to political causes up to 80%

Speaking on the leaks, Tory blogger Iain Dale said “these seem entirely in keeping with the government’s current strategy”

Blogger Paul Staines of Guido Fawkes’ Blog said: “Holy living fuck, what a fucking liberty” before immediately being arrested for mentioning the name of the human rights organisation. “and make sure you do the last line in red italics”.

Ed Balls denied convening a meeting to discuss anything, ever, and is planning to hide behind the Speaker’s chair during the Budget address.

*yes, it’s a joke. We know it’s Darling.