Dear Comrades Hoon and Hewitt,

Let me first say that I am shocked, dismayed, disgruntled, flabbergasted, confused, angered, humbled, incensed, overwhelmed, overjoyed, under-impressed, reddened and outraged by your actions of the last few days.

Like you, many years ago I was a bedwetting communist, unilateralist, bra-burning pinko trot progressive.  You, however, seem to have abandoned the high ideals of solidarity and adherence to exotic outré principles we all learned at the National Union of Students and decided to sacrifice your very souls in favour of winning elections.   These are not the ideals of the post-blairite Labour Party.

As you know, I occupy a marginal constituency and am reliant on my job to bring in the expenses on which I rely to furnish my two homes and employ my nephews.  Your selfish act in seeking to replace the accursed caledon cyclops son of the manse with someone competent may have seemed like a good idea to you, but that misses the point.  If we appear divided, which is now extremely likely, thanks to the reactionary lickspittle proto-post-thatcherite pre-brown-victory-ite endeavour to unseat our glorious leader, we will probably be replaced with people who are in some way qualified to do the job and who haven’t had their heads in the trough this past eleven years.  Is that what you want?

As a proto-post-revolutionary feminist, I hesitate to call you a c**t, but that’s what you are.  A c**t who’s just pointed out to the rest of the world that we would sooner have a moron in charge than someone capable of doing the job.

Can I just ask what’s wrong with our current leader?  Gordon Brown may be a Nokia chucking misogynist with megalomaniac tendencies, the intellect of a slug, a genuine messianic delusion and the charisma of Jeffrey Dahmer, but he’s our Nokia chucking megalomanic psychokiller, not the tories’.  Surely it’s better to have one of our own in control than one of theirs?

With comradely admonishment,

Geraldine Dreadful MP,
Member of Parliament for Sickle and Hammer East.

Update:  Thanks to Iain Dale at the excellent for including this in the Daley Dozen, his list of the best blog entries of the day.