Ironically named Transport Minister Lord Adonis has revealed how the UK road system was being salted in accordance with the Department of Health’s policy on healthy lifestyles.

Speaking from a train where for some reason he always is, the Minister explained:

“Well, our gritting policy is based on three planks, all of which are recognised to have a positive impact on health:

  1. Work Life Balance
  2. Getting more exercise
  3. Healthy diet

First, during the cold snap is a good time to spend more time at home with the kids and the spouse, and to relax more.  The current gritting strategy allows the average British business person lots more time at home, since they can’t get to work.  Work life balance has a major impact on health.

Second, we all know how hard it is to walk in a major snow drift.  By going for regular walks in the uncleared, untreated snow we develop cardiovascular fitness.  That’s great news.

Finally, we all know we should use less than six grams of salt a day.  There’s around sixty million people in the UK, and there’s a thousand kilos in a metric tonne, so that means the approximate 3600 tonnes of salt we still have left will do us rightly for ten days.  Super.  The take home point from this is that we are thinking of your health in the cold nap, and we’re deliberately not gritting.  It’s definitely not total incompetence.”