Dear ‘Gauleiter’ Dale,

I write to you as a regular reader of your Total Politics magazine, to complain in the starkest, clearest, most sincere and least obscurantist way I know how about your recent well-publicised and disgusting interview with the hated fascist would-be dictator Nick  Griffin.

Your decision to interview Nick Griffin should first of all not have been possible.  If my Private Member’s Bill ‘Fascists (Encasing in Perspex) Bill 1999’ had received support in the House of Commons and not have been laughed at by the fascist sympathising and enabling members of your party, fascists like Mr. Griffin would not be free to roam around, but instead would be placed as exhibits in museums to warn children of their fascist fascism.   Your party’s decision not to support the bill means that fascists like Mr. Griffin can be heard, are enfranchised and can exercise their freedoms, and in my view that is a bad thing for democracy.

Your interview with this hated piece of filth will undoubtedly mean thousands of disaffected people will join the BNP and destroy our country.  In addition, several hundred thousand of my constituents could be crushed in the inevitable rush to escape the vicinity of newsagents where Total Politics is sold.  I hope that you are prepared for the wave of extreme anger your decision to speak to Nick Griffin will generate, and will take responsibility in the long run for the third world war your decision to speak to the dangerous and potent political titan will undoubtedly spark.  Just yesterday I had to intervene to stop a group of anti-racist performance artists from petrol-bombing Patel’s Convenience Store on Leon Trotsky Street as a pre-emptive effort to stop him putting your interview on his shelves.

I have asked the Sickle East Women’s Anti Fascist Handcraft Co-operative to create a piece of community-inspired art to commemorate this sad day for the people of Britain, and have asked the Borough of Hammer Working Men’s Lurcher Display Team to slow handclap you if you ever visit their open-day.  In addition, a group of unemployed former Further Education lecturers has offered to follow you around until the general election with their arms folded, ready to turn their backs on you and dolefully shake their heads, occasionally murmuring ‘shame’ every time you speak.

I am sorry, Iain, to have to take this extreme form of direct action against you, but your decision to speak to a man about the political views he has leaves me with no choice.  Your decision to become Nick Griffin’s Gauleiter will haunt you in the future.

Yours sincerely,

Geraldine Dreadful MP

Sickle and Hammer East

UPDATE:  Featured on Iain Dale’s website