Dear former comrade Field,
I read with some disbelief, shock, ennui and anger reports of comments that you made that it would not make you physically sick to encounter David Cameron, and that you would not consider setting fire to yourself if he ever phoned you. Imagine my deep visceral reaction, accompanied by gagging and a sulphurous dry retch, when I then discovered that you would consider not disembowelling yourself before serving in a fascist government he would lead.
I remember back in my first term, when you visited the Hammer East Old Age New Age Co-operative as Pensions Minister. I was so proud to walk through the Papier Maché replica of Lenin’s Mausoleum with you, and to unveil the tribute to Kinnock’s Sheffield Rally, when you gave a splendid speech on the virtues of the Labour Party. I remember exactly the words you used:
“We will be a government which cares about people, a government which is straight with people, which puts people first, and which is transparent and doesn’t resort to dirty tricks.”
I was so proud with you, the epitome of honest, genuine Labour values, the same values that I believed in.
Later, as you began to disagree with Gordon Brown, the cracks in your personality began to show. Your complete failure to realise that Gordon represents the closest thing to a proper revolution we are likely to achieve any time soon, and your failure to submit to the will of the party, soon established your unmutuality. Your abject failure to entirely submit to the principles our greatest star Josef Stalin laid down marked you out as the embodiment of pure fascist evil. You went from being one of the greatest living men on Earth to being, in my eyes at least, a complete fucking cunt.
In retrospect, we should have noticed your disgusting tendency toward reasonableness, your commitment to debating issues (even issues of socialist principle) and we should have sent you to the notional salt mines at that time. But we saw it too late, and now, by signalling that you would not spit in the face of a Tory, you have established yourself as a hated enemy of the left.
I hope you are slow hand-clapped by the SWP.
Your new enemy,
Geraldine Dreadful MP
