NASA scientists operating from Dunsink Observatory in Northwest Dublin have successfully made contact with and restarted Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny TD.
The Mayo politician, widely expected to become Taoiseach after the February 25 election, had lost contact with the Observatory on Thursday of last week, and it was feared important mission critical information could be lost if he was not recontacted. According to NASA Mission Specialist Chip Baker, on secondment to Fine Gael, it was vital to make contact with Enda Kenny before the dissolution of the Dáil.
‘February 1st marks the beginning of Spring in Ireland; like other politicians, Enda Kenny gets his power directly from the sun, and it was vital that this first day of sunny weather was seized as a day to recharge the would-be Prime Minister for the election campaign ahead. Without contact, we would have been unable to extend his suit jacket fully to expose the solar panels underneath. He would risk system shutdown and mission failure.’
Telemetry from the orbiting lawmaker stopped being received immediately after Mr Kenny got wet in a shower outside Leinster House, while being interviewed by RTÉ. Party handlers worried that without constant data from him, he could deviate from his course, and experience atmospheric drag, foreshortening his time as leader of the poll-leading party.
Baker was quick to reassure reporters that Kenny is now completely stable and undergoing a ‘nominal’ recharge.
“His lithium ion batteries have been brought back online, and his backup cells are providing reserve power to his formidable constitutionally aware brain. The magnetic resonance blood pump is circulating his life force around his streamlined and aerodynamically balanced body, and he is ready to lead Ireland.
Next up on the agenda is putting a new heat and radiation shield on Micheál Martin”