Lord Mandelson, former First Secretary, has warned that the Labour Party risks slipping back into being ‘a party with policies and positions based on principles and political convictions’, should members elect Ed Miliband party leader next month.

Speaking at a meeting of the Moral Relativists Association, Lord Mandelson warned that a vote for Ed Miliband, the younger of the two brothers leading the Labour leadership race, could result in a return to ‘the politics of social democracy, fairness and the tedious objectives of full employment, equality and an end to poverty’ rather than the politics of ‘media graft, the schmooze, the thinly veiled threat and reaction to perceived Tory unfeelingness’.

He went on to warn of the possibility of a Labour party future dominated by ‘dreadful meetings with trade unionists and the poor’ rather than constant vigilance over local and national news outlets.

‘What message would we be sending by electing someone who just drones on and on about principles, practicalities and policy? This is not the time for thoughtfulness or reflection on the failings of the last few years of New Labour.

This is the rime to promise faithfully to continue with more of the same. For that reason, David Miliband is your man. Or you could try Ed Balls for the comedy option’.