British Ambassador to the UN
The United Nations Security Council has held an emergency in-camera meeting to establish an official spelling of the Libyan leader’s name.
The meeting, called by France, Lebanon and Russia, seeks to determine an internationally accepted name for the man, heretofore known severally as:
- Col Muammar Qadaffi
- Col Muammar Qaddafi
- Col Muammar Q’Daffi
- Col Muammar Gadaffi
- Col Muamar Gaddafi
- Col Muamar Gaddaffi
- Col Mumar Gadafy
- Col Mumar Gaddaffy
- Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP
Addressing the group, the French Ambassador to the UN said:
“For decades now, this guy has been poncing around with several dozen spellings of his name. He must have a hundred passports, and to get proper information on the bugger we need about fifty Google searches. It’s about time we decided on a name for this fucker.”
The United States Ambassador responded in agreement:
“The United States stands with our friends in Russia, France and Lebanon in seeking a unified spelling of this shiny sweaty faced man’s name. It’s very difficult to make a deck of playing cards without knowing which name we should use on them, and let’s face it, we probably will be issuing playing cards.”
Pressing for the Libyan leader to be named simply ‘Dave Smith’, the UK Ambassador to the UN said:
“Seriously. Do it. Shits and giggles. Awesome.”
In the end, the UK’s proposal was vetoed by China, who wanted to name the leader ‘Muamar Gadfly’. This was voted on immediately and adopted by the Security Council. Citizens of Libya will be notifed of the name change in leaflet drops on Tuesday.
