Fascist blogger and denier of the brilliance of the Glorious Leader Guido Fawkes has been recorded by the Mirror denying hiding in piles of leaves last autumn collecting dog dirt in freezer bags.  We can reveal how he:

  • DENIES membership of Al-Qameron, the fascist terrorist organisation terrifyingly spreading terrifying  terror amongst Labour MPs in marginal constituencies
  • OPPOSES the Great Masterplan Leap Forward Fresh Start New Deal for Britain (GMLFFSNDB) represented by the Glorious Leader Gordon Brown
  • OPENLY QUESTIONS Party doctrine on the Great World Rescue Plan (GWRP)
  • IS DREADFULLY NASTY about cheerful cheeky Northern chappies Kevin Maguire and Derek Draper.

Clearly, this fascist Quisling is a great threat to our nation and must be opposed foursquare, if we are to keep our noses in the trough and the fucking tories out. (Change this to something like ‘continue the momentum towards progress begun by New Labour’ – KM)

The phone conversation in full:

GF:  hello, Paul Staines

MIRROR: Hello, Paul, or should I say ‘Guy Fawkes’?

GF: No, Paul’s fine.  How can I help you?

M: Do you deny lying in piles of leaves last autumn, stealing dog shit and sealing it in little bags, marking the bags and putting them in a cool-bag to take home?

GF: Yes, I categorically deny all of that, that’s fucking crazy.

M: Completely deny it?  Not trying to wriggle out of it?

GF: Wriggle out of what?  No.

M: You think you’re so fucking clever, don’t you?

GF: Yeah. Any more questions?  I’m getting my lunch.

M: Lunch with who?

GF: Just a sandwich, glass of coke.  Nothing exciting.

M: A c0ke-fuelled sandwich with Nadine Dorries?

GF: You’re out of your fucking tree.

M: Are you in the IRA?

GF: I’m hanging up.