Assuming the iPhone 3GS is available in Ireland by July 13, I am practically certain there will be a new iPhone 3GS in the river Tiber by July 17.

On 14 July, I visit Rome, to attend the wedding of a good friend, with my girlfriend. She’s a lovely woman, she is delightful in conversation, she knows I love her, and if I spend two ton on a mobile bloody phone between now and then, she will pick it up when I least expect it and fuck it into a river.

Imagine the scene. The horror of a Ryanair flight, the ‘All Picture, No Sound’ show for the first day, then, the day before the wedding, while I joyfully begin an authentic Tagliere Misto with a nice glass of chianti, she asks can she play with the phone for a moment.

My guard is down, perhaps she is beginning to embrace the technology. The only real question now is whether she will use the fastest, most useful iPhone ever to make a big splash or like a skimming stone.

The trick here might be to pick it up when we get back. At least I can get a Garda to sign a document for the insurance here, and that way she will never have time to rip up my passport.