Gardaí say that it’s a miracle nobody was seriously hurt in the Son of God’s apparently politically motivated attack on a public information meeting last night.
The vicious attack, in which tables were turned over and punches thrown, broke out after a member of the audience made jokes about the religious motivation of the Christian Solidarity Platform and Cóir in the referendum campaign.
Maire Duncan, a member of the Women for Lisbon group, described how Jesus removed his hooded top to bathe the entire meeting in holy light, before striking out randomly at the audience.
‘It was absolutely awful, though obviously divine. The Prince of Peace got totally stuck in, beating seven holy shades of shit out of yes activists’.
Speaking to press from a levitating position just out of reach of the Gardaí and, the Christ urged challengers to come forward.
“Whosoever has said in his heart ‘Yes to Lisbon’ shall not enter my Father’s house, nor be anointed by the spirit, nor shall he have a commissioner, nor shall his troops be commanded by his Caesar, who is called Brian Cowen, even though he hath told ye it shall be thus.’
“Also, whosoever hath said in his heart he is hard enough, suffer him to come forward to me to have a go.”