Andy Burham. Image stolen from Wikimedia.

Former Health Secretary Andy Burnham has revealed to the Times his inspiration for seeking to be leader of the Labour party.

In his exclusive article to be published this Friday 27 August, the self-described ‘ordinary’ candidate has expressed his preference for good over evil, a government which makes peoples’ lives better, and his encouragement of other people to be good to one another.  But crucially, Mr. Burnham, member of Parliament for the safe Labour seat of Leigh, in working class Wigan, finds himself inspired by the plot and music from 80’s film ‘The Karate Kid’.

“In essence, the majesty of Joe Esposito’s lyrics to ‘You’re the Best’ are the inspiration I needed to become a Labour MP, and they continue to to take my breath away every time I hear them”, explained the former Cabinet minister.

Try to be best
‘Cause you’re only a man
And a man’s gotta learn to take it

Try to believe
Though the going gets rough
That you gotta hang tough to make it

History repeats itself
Try and you’ll succeed!”  he said, smiling wistfully as he looked into the middle distance.

“If that’s not the essence of Aneurin Bevan’s political theory, if that’s not the sanctifying approach taken by Hugh Gaitskell, then what is?”

This week marks the beginning of the real push to establish the personalities of the Labour leaderhsip candidates, and Burnham is delighted to have attracted the attention of the Times.

“It’s simple enough.  David Cameron is Johnny Lawrence, and Lord Ashcroft is John Kreese, the Sensei of the Cobra Kai dojo.  The Lib Dems are essentially all the other guys from Cobra Kai who get a couple of lines in the film who hang around with him and beat up Daniel La Russo.  Danny’s either the Labour Party or me.  Some of my colleagues even call me Daniel-san.   Anyway, It seems to me that all the work I did in Culture, Media and Sport was a bit like wax-on, wax-off, and while I was Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Alastair Darling quite literally had me painting walls and trimming Bonsai trees.”

When asked who in his inspiration fills the role of Mr. Miyagi, Andy Burnham grins.  “Clement Attlee.  Clement Attlee is Mr. Miyagi.”

Andy Burnham is a busy man; he makes great effort to ensure his eyebrows are intensely visible, and tries to be certain that every time he does a TV interview it looks like he’s actually trying to climb into the camera into peoples’ homes.  He will be visiting a number of Constituency Labour Party Meetings to prove that his inspiration is the thing to put fire back int he belly of the Labour Party.

“I will have them singing at Party Conference.  I want them on their feet, reminded of Clement Attlee’s passion for wax on, wax off , and remind them:

You’re the best!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own

Fight ‘til you drop
never stop
can’t give up
Til you reach the top (FIGHT!)
you’re the best in town (FIGHT!)
Listen to that sound
A little bit of all you got
Can never bring you down”