Dublin, Ireland, Monday 15 November

Lenihan, yesterday.

Rejecting suggestions that Ireland may be on the verge of an EU financial bailout topping €50bn, Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan today told waiting reporters to ‘take a chill pill’ and ‘splash the cash’.

When asked by RTÉ journalist Seán O’Connell whether preparations were being made for an EU injection of funds, Lenihan laughed in his face.

“The fact is that Ireland’s economy is in an awesome state.  Revenues are up, our costs are down, our exports are performing like Michael Flatley on fucking acid.  Seriously, things are great. Cheer the fuck up!”

Upon further questioning from local radio station Dublin’s 98FM on reports in the British media, Mr Lenihan offered to take all the journalists to the upscale Ice Bar at the Four Seasons hotel for cocktails and nibbles ‘on the government’ and then on to Krystle to ‘get some action’.

The interview came just before Mr Lenihan announced the ‘watches for public servants’ initiative, which will ensure senior government officials have attractive timepieces from Breitling and Patek Philippe for meetings with officials from other countries.