Speaking in a press conference in Miami, Florida, BP CEO Bob Dudley praised the new found super efficiency of the Gulf Coast’s wildlife. One year on from the oil rig disaster which cost eleven lives and spilled crude oil across the sea in an enormous swathe, seabirds and turtles are reported to be significantly better lubricated than before.

“There is no doubt that Florida’s animals run more smoothly today than ever before; they run faster and for longer with less wear and tear thanks to the next generation petrochemicals we provided to the area. We can be proud of our product, and we look forward to more opportunities to interact with the people of the sunshine state in the future.”