The leader of the Labour Party, Ed Miliband MP, has moved on from the development of policy and begun to concentrate on messages which alliterate or rhyme.
The shake up in the leadership messaging campaign, which will roll out to the entire party by the end of June, will abandon from policy any idea which cannot be explained in a couplet, and will build into a sonnet of key ideas by conference season.
The policy, developed by message management expert and Miliband advisor Kat Arrowsmith will ensure that ideas shared by the party will be easy to remember and more impactful. A source at Westminster explained:
“Kat Arrowsmith, Ed’s key adviser, introduced the idea at a meeting of the Labour Planning Group, explaining that the best hope of keeping the mouthbreathing morons who somehow managed to cling on to seats in 2010 on message was to make sure they had something that rhymes.”
As a result, Ed Miliband began to apply the policy today, expressing concerns about a ‘free market free-for-all’ in the NHS, and worrying about ‘Liberal lies’ and ‘Tory treachery’.
Over the next month, an entire research unit will be established within the Labour Party to find words which can be bent to rhyme with ‘liberal’ and ‘Tory’ and ‘runt’. Rumours that David Cameron would seek to counter with a similar unit run by Louise Bagshawe MP have been denied, since she mostly writes filth.